The One Time…

2014-08-01 14.22.28

Every parent has a ton of these stories, for some of us they could spawn an entire career in stand-up comedy reminiscent of Jeff Foxworthy’s “You Might Be A Redneck” series or Bill Engvall’s “Here’s Your Sign”.

I may not have a career’s worth (yet!) but thought I would share some of the nuggets that make me such a popular dinner guest! šŸ˜€

The one time that I actually need to wake up at a certain time is the one time that the kids decide to sleep in allowing me to do the same. Then, I find myself rushing to get ready which I haven’t had to do in more than four years.

The one time that I actually plan a nice dinner is the one time that someone will need me for a “rescue mission” (broken down car, late library book, out of dog food) that will take me away from the house right as the kids get hungry, necessitating a trip through the drive through.

The one time I wake up with a mad desire to do laundry and get it all done by noon is the one time that I will discover a stash of clothes under the bed that contains the favourite shirt I’ve been missing for months.

The one time I finally get the house clear of construction dirt is the one time that I get visits from both the internet guys and the TV guys who go tromping through the living room in their dirty boots. (I think I got about 27 minutes of clean which is still a record in my life!)

The one time the boys go to bed early enough for me to get some quality writing time in is the one time that I find myself with nothing to say!

The one time I decide to book a pedicure on my husband’s day off is the one time that he gets an SOS from his friend and ends up being out all day. (Hint, hint! Honey, I need a pedicure!)

The one time that I need to look decent when I go out is the one time that I don’t get a chance to have a shower. (Who am I kidding? That’s almost every time!)

The one time I wake up early and am able to sneak out of bed without waking the boys so I can enjoy some quality time with my coffee is the one time that the dog decides to come say hello and wakes everybody up with his barking!

The one time I do get a chance to shower is the one time that I don’t need to go anywhere and nobody else seems to think that they need to visit.

The one time I actually planned a kid-free weekend away at a fabulous resort is the one weekend that the kid got sick!

The one time I actually did get showered and dressed nicely to go out is the one time that the kids decided to say a proper goodbye and IĀ ended up with jam smudged kisses onĀ my face and dirty handprints onĀ my back!

The oneĀ time thatĀ I organized a play date at the splash pad is the oneĀ timeĀ I realised thatĀ I didn’t remember whereĀ I put the bathing suits when swim class ended in May.

The oneĀ time thatĀ I am looking forward to a relaxing long weekend is the oneĀ time thatĀ I forgotĀ that the circus is in town and the boys are super excited about going!

Okay, I honestly thought that I had more than this! I am very interested in knowing some of your best “one time” stories, share them in the comments below!

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