The Skill I Never Thought I Would Teach My Son


While making an egg for my Little Man this morning he stood beside me on a chair, rubbed my arm and said, “You da bet Mommy ebah!”

I take that to mean that he thinks I’m pretty spectacular but it could just be that I was finally feeding him.  He first called me “best” a few days ago (again, while I was making him an egg) and he’s done it pretty much every day since but only when I’ve been preparing something for him to eat.

I think he’s starting to get over this wretched cold that has been making life miserable for the whole house these last few weeks. It’s surprising to me that he would be the first to get better, usually my husband shakes things off in a day or so (he credits his rather amazing immune system to the copious consumption of hot peppers) and Big Boy has always taken after his father in that respect.  Little Man as always been a lot more like me, we’re usually miserable for a few days, sick for a week (but functioning) and coughing for a month.

I had Big Boy stay home from school for one day last week.  He had been absolutely miserable all weekend with runny nose, fever, and sneezes that propelled huge boogers right down to his chin.  I wasn’t going to make anybody other than me have to deal with that so had him stay home Monday last.  Of course, he was fine the whole day and started to get way too comfortable with the idea of staying home sick and playing video games all day.  The next day I took him to school and he was fine all day, his teacher even sent home a note saying that he hadn’t complained about feeling ill. (She’s super nice and very understanding with me as a first-time parent!)

The next couple of days I kept him home long enough in the morning to get snot out of him that had accumulated overnight so he went late but was at school.  This week I have sent him on the bus in the morning and will pick him up after school (his bus ride home lasts an hour during which he will likely sleep which makes him not go to bed until after 10:00, not good.)

I feel like a terrible mother because the poor kid has the hardest, stickiest snot that I have ever seen! He absolutely hates it when I try to clean his nose, his father and I routinely have to lay him out on the bed and clear out his nose (and that’s when he doesn’t have a cold!) just so he can breathe properly.  Now that he has this cold his entire left nostril is rimmed with crusty crap and I know that it hurts like hell when it gets removed.

So here’s my big confession: I have literally had to teach my son to pick his nose!

That’s something that I never thought I would have to do.  Most mothers spend their time trying to keep fingers out of noses but here I am practically begging him to dive in!

The thing is, it seemed to be working.  Over the weekend he got a lot of the crusty bits gone and they weren’t coming back! I put some cream on his nose each night (accompanied by banshee screams of terror) and he actually looked pretty good yesterday.  This morning the crusties were back though and he won’t let me near him to help.  He hardly lets me hug him right now for fear that I will touch his nose!

I can only imagine what the school teachers think about me sending my kid to school looking like he does.  Every day that I send him I make sure that the ringer on my phone is turned all the way up because I’m expecting a call from the school to come and remove my snotty kid.  To their credit though, they have never said anything to me about it.  Yesterday I caught a glimpse of a potential reason for that.

We were late getting down the drive to meet the bus, we still had half the lane ahead of us when I saw the bus stop to pick up the neighbours.  We started to run, I had one hand on him, the other was trying to wrangle his little brother, his backpack and my coffee cup.  As we got to the bus (which was waiting with the door open, stop sign out) I managed to get his backpack on him and get him to give me a kiss.  The kiss was suspiciously moist.

As he climbed the steps the bus driver (who is a pro!) grabbed a Kleenex and was ready for him at the top.  I expected the usual screaming, crying, thrashing and what do I see?  The little bugger stood perfectly still and let her wipe his nose!  She wasn’t terribly gentle about it either, she had a schedule and no snot-nosed kindergartener was going to make her late!  I guess it just goes to show, you never actually know how your kids behave when Momma isn’t around!

I feel better about sending him after seeing that.  At least I know that he won’t be running around with a giant booger hanging down his face although I would definitely prefer that he just got over the cold and refrained from bringing any more school germs home!

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