My world has completely shifted on its axis and it happened in the blink of an eye. It’s a shift that I knew would come one day but hadn’t expected to happen so soon or so quickly.
I am no longer a stay-at-home mom. I have returned to the working world. I actually jumped right in to the deep end with barely any thought at all. The plan was always for me to stay home until the kids were both in school which will happen in just over a month. I thought that I should do a little pre-planning and start the job search early so that I could get my fall sorted out as well.
After sending out six applications and hearing nothing I was starting to think that this was going to be harder than I originally thought but wasn’t worried because there was still a fair bit of summer left. One day I found two possible positions and applied, by the end of the day I had interviews scheduled with both. Within twenty minutes of leaving the second interview the next day I had a job starting the following morning.
Maybe what’s really thrown me for a loop is the speed with which this all happened. I woke up one morning with the vague idea of getting a job, the next morning I was off to work at 8am. No time to adequately prepare the kids, no time to adequately prepare myself mentally, most importantly, no time to adequately prepare my wardrobe!
This whole thing has just been a whirlwind.
I walked into work to face a computer program that made no sense, I think it was designed by someone who never typed a sentence in their life, the number of times I have to shift my hands around the keyboard is ridiculous!
I walked into the house after work to find that I had no idea what the kids had eaten, played, watched or discovered. I can usually make a pretty good guess based on the dishes on the counter and the toys strewn about but it’s not the same thing.
Now, a couple of weeks later I’ve come to realize that getting up at 6:00am to drink coffee while watching Treehouse TV is not as hard as I used to believe. Getting up at 6:00am, slamming back coffee while trying to get showered and properly dressed (something I’ve not done on a regular basis in five years) with two little boys clinging to my legs begging me not to go to work is not my kind of picnic.
I like my new job, I like the people I work with. I like being able to have daily conversations with other adults. I like being able to use my brain for something more involved than remembering which juice cup belongs to which boy.
I do not like kissing my husband good-night on Sunday knowing that I won’t see him again until Friday night. I do not like having to wear foundation garments every single day. I do not like having the laundry pile grow to alarming proportions before I get to it. I definitely do not like hearing my Little Man tell me that he doesn’t love me because I broke his heart by leaving him.
He will forgive me, he will remember that he loves me. He will eventually not remember a time when Mommy didn’t work but it certainly makes for some hard times right now. We are all trying to adjust to this new reality and process the changes as best we can. It will be a learning experience for us all.
The boys will have to learn that Mommy is allowed a life outside of them, their daddy will have to learn to use the washing machine…and I will have to learn that I am not the smartest person in my world anymore!